If you want to make it seem like you really tried, these ready-to-wear Halloween costumes and accessories will have you looking put-together before the 31st
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The scariest thing about Halloween isn’t the horror movie marathons your friends force you to sit through (although we will be sat for the latest Saw iteration). It’s pulling up to the function looking like three hole-punch Jim from The Office or trying to get cute with it wearing a t-shirt that says something like “Due To Inflation, This Is My Halloween Costume”. Oh my god, yawn.
So you’ve waited until the last second again this year — we’ve all been there. If you’re looking for the best last-minute Halloween costume like the 99% of us, it doesn’t have to look lazy or smug (we’re all adults). Finding low-effort yet eye-catching looks is our specialty, and we’re happy to virtually take a stroll down the internet’s costume aisle to bring you the freakiest, funniest accoutrement for your ensemble this year. Got a gnarly, borderline unhinged Halloween mask and a bed sheet? Boom, you’re Ghost Face’s cousin, Terror Face. Do you have jeans, a black turtleneck, and a gold chain? May we suggest The Rock in his model era?
One fool-proof method is picking from the best pop culture costumes of 2023, whether you step out as emo Jimmy Butler complete with side-swept bangs and piercings, or channel Jeffery Dahmer as Gwenyth Paltrow during her ski accident trial. Go chronically online inside-joke chic, or wow others with your celeb impersonations, but either way, most of our picks on this list will deliver to your door fast enough for you to change before your next Halloween party (may we suggest investing in a Prime two-day shipping membership?). No matter how long you’ve procrastinated, these are our favorite fast-minute, lazy Halloween costumes.
Carmy from ‘The Bear’
Yes, chef! After the second season of the Hulu mega-hit, you’ll probably be shouting “behind!” squeezing past the number of Carmys running around this All Hallow’s Eve. That being said, all you really need to recreate his look is a dark blue apron, white T-shirt, black jeans, and the thousand-yard stare of a man who just got locked in a blast freezer (sorry, spoilers!). If you want to switch it up though, you could go as “cuzz” Richie in his “Original Berf of Chicagoland” shirt. After all, it’s a collector’s item!
The Literal Bear from ‘Cocaine Bear’
I’m going to be real with you here — you don’t have to have actually seen Cocaine Bear to get the basic plot thread. Bear does cocaine. Rawr. People torn to shreds. Grab yourself an inflatable bear costume and a bag of powdered sugar (and only powdered sugar) and go nuts chasing people around the party. Maybe chase around a costumed Carmy and embody his subconscious anxieties about his self-worth as a chef and a brother. Have fun with it!
A SAG-AFTRA Actor on Strike
A topical t-shirt Halloween costume that isn’t cringe? Yes, please! DIY a protest sign and pair it with this Screen Actors Guild on Strike shirt along with casual shorts, walking shoes, and a pair of sunglasses for extra anonymity. Then, take whatever extra coin you would’ve put towards your ensemble and donate to the the SAG-AFTRA Foundation, which helps support union members who otherwise can’t afford rent, health insurance, and other basic needs during the strike.
Elvis from ‘Elvis’ or ‘Priscilla’
While we excitedly await the release of the upcoming Copolla A24 film about the King of Rock and Roll and his queen, take a page from either of these recent adaptations and decide which Elvis you’ll be this year. Grab your friend who can do a horrendous Colonel Tom Parker accent à la Tom Hanks and channel Austin Butler’s Vegas Elvis — complete with rockstar gold shades and the sparkling jumpsuits. Or go as sleek groom Elvis and his wife Priscilla and act out the fairytale “little chapel in Vegas” wedding before everything went downhill.
Security Guard
Ah, security guards — they’re the backbones of protecting locations where inanimate objects magically come to life at night, whether that’s exhibits in a museum, or animatronics in a pizza parlor. If you’ve never heard of Five Nights at Freddys, either you haven’t spoken to a teenager in the past ten years, or you’re going to be in for a rude awakening if you decide to head to your local movie theater on October 27. That being said, an easy way to get hip with the teens is slap on a security guard outfit, flashlight, and FNAF security badge this Halloween. Just be sure to keep that flashlight fully-charged!
DJ Crazy Times and Ms. Biljana Electronica
“Life…it never die. Women are my favorite guy.” This faux Eurodance duo Milli Vanilli’d their way into our hearts this summer and we’re all the better for it. If you want to dress up like DJ Crazy Times and the real Ms. Biljana Electronica (don’t ask), swag yourself out with some cycling glasses and this cargo vest along with a dupe of Electronica’s iconic “When God Made Man She Was Only Joking” tank. If you want parties to be making, have some noise!
John Wick and Daisy (RIP)
Need a look fit for a retired assassin? Transform that black suit you haven’t used since wedding season sitting at the back of your closet into a John Wick costume. Complete with a crisp, white dress shirt and black tie, all you need is some fake blood to create that scuffed up look you only get after fighting through a room full of attackers with only a handgun and a single magazine. If you don’t have a dog to play the part of your beloved companion Daisy, this plush Pitbull will show off your softer, pup-loving side.
Just Allan
While you’ll probably be seeing plenty of Stereotypical Barbies and Beach Kens rollerblading around and learning about the realities of the patriarchy this Halloween, if you don’t have time to put together a full “Let’s Get Phyiscal”-esque Barbie costume, there’s always Ken’s best friend, Allan. After all, there’s only one of him! All you need is the primary color-striped shirt and some shorts, and you’ll stand out from all the Ken-ergy around you.
Ronald Gladden from ‘Jury Duty’
As the only non-actor on the reality show Jury Duty, Ronald Gladden was America’s newest sweetheart this year, and he didn’t even know it. If you’re looking for an easy-to-throw-together, wholesome fit this Halloween, then Gladden is your guy. Get yourself a short-sleeve striped button-down and a name tag and customize it with Ronald’s juror number, 54. That way, even if your Halloween party descends into chaotic shenanigans, you can feel like the straight man amongst it all.
Swiftie (aka Recycled ‘Eras’ Tour Outfit)
The amount of recycled Eras tour outfits we saw during Pride Month was pretty incredible (don’t try and deny it, those white cowboy boots have been in heavy rotation all year). Halloween is the perfect time of year to raid your closet and either break out all those faux fur jackets and sequin dresses you never thought you’d wear again if you were one of the lucky ones to get concert tickets. If Ticketmaster was your mortal enemy this year, you can also easily recreate the Swiftie look and feel like you were right there with the crowd belting out “Anti-Hero”.
Shipping times are tricky and can vary depending on where you live, which product you purchase, and more. Our suggestion? For any Amazon products above, if you’re not already a member, sign up for Prime’s free 30-day trial ($14.99/month — plus tax — after trial) to receive Prime two-day shipping for the best last-minute ‘fits. And for any non-Amazon products, if you don’t mind paying a little extra, opt for expedited shipping at checkout to ensure you’re dressed up in time for the spookiest day of the year.
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